Relationship: The Pendulum.

It’s time. Sit down. Pay attention. I’ll teach you about The Pendulum.

Everything happens for a reason. While we’ll never know of all the reasons, today we’ll discuss one of those reasons. One of the reasons things happen.

For exactly two months and three weeks I’ve put this off, surely it can be put off no longer. Let’s begin.

I was having a conversation recently and an acquaintance shared his story with me. He was in love with a friend, a friend he’s known since he was 17 years of age and he’s loved her since.

Fast forward Nine years into the future, he’s 26 working a good job, according to him he was making over $70,000 and was incredibly fit. Enjoying life. Still friends with the beloved though he was, at this point, enjoying other warm bodies but something’s changed. According to him, the beloved had a confession. She tells him now that she loves him.

At this point, my mind flashes to movies I’ve watched that sound so similar, I was not shedding a tear for his reciprocated love, I just sat there, looking at him, thinking here we go. Tell me more, happily ever after? or did some messed up event take place?

He continues, he confesses he loves her too. Good story so far, that is if you ignore the Nine year hiatus of lurking around a girl without expressing his true intentions. Anyways, both happy their person of interest feels the same, natural next step, they begin a romantic relationship. Sit tight, we’re just getting started.

According to him, eventually the love of his life wants something (someone) else. His life no longer the same. He tells me, he’s successfully lost his best friend and girlfriend at the same time. He’s 32 now, so another six years’ passed, he says he drinks a lot now and no longer on “the good path” he was on before (when he was 26). It would have been too heartless to ask him about his current path, here’s a man unburdening himself, all he asked was a listening, non judgmental ears which fortunately I had to give him. So, I sat there, with no words, in no hurry, I just listened.

He continues, it took him 3 years after break up to begin to pick up his pieces. Which would mean the ages of 29–32. He definitely no longer works out. It amazes me that he finally got that which he wanted, which in a sense was getting his prayers answered and that which he wished for became his identified factor that knocked him off “the good path”, broke him in pieces and devastated his life for 3 years. Scary. I wonder what his current self would tell his love struck 17year old self.

It was almost a good story but what’s even better is that it’s a human story. A life story. Someone who can identify when he went off path and why he went off path. If you can do both, which is identify when and why, I believe you can find your way back to a better path. And, luckily he can do both, so I’m happy for him. I’m optimistic about his future. I wish him the strength and know-how to find his way back to who he’d be proud to be. Someone out of the shadow of his beloved.

When they say there’s no one without their own concerns, how true. When they say be careful what you wish for, how relevant. Don’t mean we’d listen though, we want what we want.

Let’s leave him alone and let me share why I brought you in on his personal life. Here’s why. Recently, not too long, like three different occasions maybe, I’ve found myself thinking about the Justice Lady. Not so much so who came up with the idea or who sculptured her body or why there’s a scarf covering her eyes, all valid curiosity but I think of the Justice Lady because of the balancing bars she carries. Think of those bars. And I’ll tell you about human feelings.

Have you experienced a balancing bar in person? Think of a seesaw. Walk with me. Let’s imagine together. Focusing on the Justice Lady and her scale.

When you add two feathers, one on each side of the bar, the scale would not move that much in either direction, but the scale would establish a balance. Yeah? Awesome.

When it comes to a relationship and this is also true in my past experiences — say a girl cares quite a lot for you, we’ll equivocate her care to the weight of a stone, a decent sized stone. And we will compare your “care” to the weight of a sizable notepad. It’s not that you don’t care for the girl you’re in a relationship with, it’s just that you don’t care as much as she does, clearly a stone would push the scale lower than the notepad would. Now, The Pendulum shifts in her direction.

After a while, she gets used to the idea that she does care more than you do. There’s a trap there. You might convince yourself to care more. It’s not that you don’t like her, because you do, it’s more so she likes you much more than you like her. And that’s fine. You’re both in a relationship and things are good. You know, side note, at any given point, in any relationship, one person does like the other more, it’s not always the same person who likes the other more everytime. The Pendulum adjusts one way or the other and continues to rock back and forth. Let’s continue.

Enough sugar coating, let’s eat. As time progresses, and as life disappointments adjust your sensibilities, your notepad might slightly change. Say, you begin to care more, the scale would naturally adjust based on the more notepads you add to your side.

The low level of the rock would naturally rise compared to where it was when it was only one notepad. This is to say as you naturally care more, she naturally cares less (same stone, more notepads). It’s not voodoo. It’s not magic. It’s real life. And, it’s healthy.

No alarms, it’s not that she doesn’t like you, in terms of balance, it might look like she doesn’t like you as much as she did before but its not her really. She likes you just the same but now you’re incredibly hot for her — which is good. She’s in love with you just the same and doesn’t hate you but you see the stone was this low when it was one notepad and has naturally been adjusted by the scale as more notepads where added. The scale doesn’t care one way or the other, it adjusts based on what you both present. You can experiment this on your own and see how each side of The Pendulum shifts based on the weight applied.

As you now continue to like her more, think more notepads. She continues to like you less — based on the display of the scale. She wins you over and you (might) lose her. If your notepads are incredibly high to greatly overpower the stone, eventually you might overwhelm her. Happens everyday. A lot of relationship have been suckered by the obliviousness of The Pendulum. Even if she feels the same as she felt before, same size of stone, your new found and increased affection can make her nauseated. Scary.

This is why I’m weary of people who start off professing so much affection when I’ve only just recently met them. For couples who do survive, they’ve naturally, subconsciously, found a way to balance the scale.

Not too many many notepads on either side and where there is, after a short while they rebalance. They do a lot of activities together and have reasons to continue to rely and count on each other a lot for them to maintain the opportunity to need one another and hence forth add equally to the scale. This is why break ups are intensely horrible — only when the other person breaks up with you!

You turn that stone into a feather and the notepads drop all the way down. A heartbroken individual would call that “hitting rock bottom” and they aint lying.

Equally, you turn the notepad into a feather and the stone would drop all the way down. It’s not personal. It’s the natural laws of engagement. It’s the Law of The Pendulum.

Back to the acquaintance I introduced to you. He liked her. He grows into the best level of his life. He has other female options. Which would naturally reduce his notepads — keep in mind. This is because he can only be so infatuated by his beloved when he has other girls to keep company. He still likes her, yes but not drooling over her. While she’s used to being a feather on a scale and used to dwelling on the pedestal lifted high in the sky while the notepads bear the weight. As the notepads get reduced while homie is busy benching other girls, the feather begins to drop from her pedestal and her emotions begins to get triggered. She wants to be exalted like she was before, what does she have to do? The more she invites in getting his full attention, the more she sinks into the sinking sand. Her interest begins to go from a feather into a stone. And, naturally, the impartial scale adjusts and balances.

What happened next? She finds herself in love with him. Shocker!

His affections return — because men in a relationship tend to not bench girls they’re not in a relationship with. His notepads pile up. She’s exalted back to the pedestal she’s used to. As his affections overwhelm, hers dissipate.

I do have a heart, I promise. Don’t cast me away just yet. Pay attention. The goal isn’t to marry someone you do not care about. Let me repeat. That is not the goal! Because if you do, that is, if you go into a marriage as a feather while she’s a stone, the moment she gives up on the marriage and decides to go about like a feather, you will become the stone. The girl you “did not care about” that you married becomes the only person in the world you want to win back. Happens everyday.

The goal then is to find someone you’re very connected to but who is not a feather. I hope you’re understanding. I’m introducing you to dynamics in play with your every interaction, for your benefit. Use it for good, not evil because the dynamic can reverse swiftly and burn you incredibly. So only use it with good intentions. Let’s continue.

The goal then is to find someone you’re very connected to but who is not a feather. And also has enough healthy entanglement on both sides where each person has a genuine, unfabricated need and use for their partner’s skills and knowledge. In simple English — What is it you do for her that she likes? What is it you do well together that she enjoys? What do you do for her? You have to be useful and play a role in her life so she’s not a feather in your life. No one runs away from where they want to be. No one becomes a feather with someone they can’t lose.

If you can’t equally count on each other and continue to count on each other. If you cant continue to fall in love with them and they continue to fall in love with you (based on you doing your best to keep them happy and keep them in love with you) then you’re in for a rude ride.

Relationships are nothing to play with. There are three parts to a relationship. The beginning, which is The Possibility. Then comes The Opportunity (to love one another) — this is where the movies stop. Any random movie you select today would either be on The Possibility or The Opportunity. Shocker, there’s a third part. The Aftermath.

The acquaintance I introduced to you has been stuck in The Aftermath for 3years. I do not know how to say it for you to grasp the severity. A human being, blood, veins, heartbeat has been stuck in The Aftermath for 1,095 days. The Aftermath very often could last longer than The Possibility and Opportunity put together. So if you’re not ready to put in work to maintain a balance, which would mean times of being extra loving (when you haven’t been) and times when you pull back your loving (when they’re not matching your weight). If you’re not ready to maintain a balance or if you’re dating someone who is not ready to maintain a balance, do not waste your future years in The Aftermath. It doesn’t look good. Ask any divorcee and they’ll tell you a story worth paying for. Save yourself! I can only write about it, what you do with your life is up to you. Do not be foolish. That’s all I ask of myself, and of you.

Relationships are nothing to play with. Neither is friendships. The mere familiarity with another human can improve or confuse you for a very long time.

Hopefully you learned something. Almost three months to share this with you but it was worth it. Care for people who care for you. And hope to God they continue to care for you as you genuinely continue to care for them, then, only then, is it a beautiful encounter.

The funny thing is the beloved of the acquaintance, she continued her life, just like that. On to the next person. But the guy’s life stopped (hopefully only temporarily). He’s on a path he’s not proud of, living a life he’s not proud of, and doing his very best to make me understand — in his words “Women only want you for what you can do for them, do not give your heart to any woman, I don’t care who”. He wanted me to remember him, remember his pain but more importantly remember this passing message to not give my heart.

But my heart is not the issue, my senses are. Go with good intention and only allow yourself to someone with equally good intention. Should two people be willing to maintain a healthy weight, a relationship can be a beautiful thing, won’t you agree?

Of all you are, I hope you are someone worth knowing. Someone worth being. Someone worth loving. Someone worth. I wish you not what you wish yourself, not what you pray for, not what you want, but I wish you that which would give you life and life more abundantly. I wish you the best experiences. I wish you true intentions and honesty.

Go fall in love and rise in excitement balancing the scale in harmonious remedy with your loved one, for what else is there for us to do than to spend our days bedazzled by the feelings of love.

With Love,

Famous Steve.