Relationship: Be A Wall & Love Her Right.
Grab a chair, get something to sip on. Kick your feet up, and share this story with me. Let me tell you about a world where most of the men are the same. And their women, come only in three categories. This world a lot like ours, their men look a lot like I. And, their women resemble your beautiful next door neighbor.
In this world, a man living up to his potential is thought of as “a Wall”. Wise men would tell you — you’ll grow up to be a fine Wall. You know, strong, reliable, dependable, solid. The not so excellent men are thought of as “beach sand” because of their “everything goes, I’ll take anything, just happy to be here” way of life. For a moment here, as we enter this world, assume it to be our world, assume their principles are compatible with our lifestyle.
Here, you’re taught each man’s responsibility is to be as confident, still and available (open) as a wall. On the other hand, women are taught of three different categories — a Tennis Ball, a Paint or a Fruit — of which she would possess one personality type. The lady would identify which personality type best describes her, she will learn its merits and drawbacks, ultimately so she can master herself and be skilled to get along with just about anybody.
Let’s talk relationship. A Wall could be with a Tennis Ball, a Paint or a Fruit.
The Tennis Ball is a female who’s mostly unexpected. You turn around and there she is, just beautiful. Facially, yes but not just that, she’s happy, playful and lovely. You almost never see her frown, life is just peachy. You know the type, she doesn’t have to do anything extra to be awesome. She’s something of a free bird. She leaves as quickly as she came. Not intentionally by her own doing, she just has many interests and does not do so well with scheduled plans. She would rather leave plans up in the air and see if it’s doable when the day and time comes. If it is, she’ll show up. If it’s not, she won’t.
When a Wall is in a relationship with a Tennis Ball, the time together always seem so short. The Wall would spend more time arranging to see the Tennis Ball than he does spending time with the Tennis Ball. For that reason, every moment spent together is filled with heightened emotions and seem super exciting. Arguments are almost regarded a waste of time, because soon she will be gone. Some Walls appreciate and prefer a Tennis Ball, because it’s in her nature to go, to leave and do her own thing. And this builds anticipation for the next time the couple will be together, and also allows the Wall some alone time. Most Walls, unfortunately cannot cope with the unpredictability lifestyle of a Tennis Ball. Of all three personality types, we should note that the Tennis Ball is the most (potentially) promiscuous. The most accurate way to put it is: A Tennis Ball leaves the Wall wanting more, always — without even trying.
Tennis Ball tend to be women mostly focused on career and growth. They are the better choice for non committal relationships. Not because they have less feelings but because it’s tougher for them to find a Wall that’s faithful and able to restrain himself from trying to possess her. Remember, she’s a “free bird” that does not want to be “caught”. Instead of taking the time apart to focus on things the Wall enjoys — that’s outside his interaction with her, unfortunately, the nature of the sharp highs and awful lows, make the Wall want more — more interaction, more attention, more of her. And the want for more, leads to possessive behaviors. It’s not unlikely for a Tennis Ball to remain single and often, very successful. Some Tennis Balls eventually get with a beach sand, and live out an uninteresting life (with the excuse that she’s had her fun when she was “younger”) or she spends most of her days trying to adjust to a life with a Wall.
A Tennis Ball makes your life — exciting.
Another personality type is the Paint — a female who makes everything better. They’re referred to as the “heart of the party”. She’s an organizer, a coordinator, she considers whether everyone is having a good time and continues to think of ways to make everything outstanding. Paints are beautiful on the inside. Their intentions are almost always for the benefit of others.
When a Wall is in a relationship with a Paint, moments together seem like a continuation from the last time. She’s comfort, she’s ideal, she’s interested and concerned. Paints help a Wall forget its cracks. Or, at least makes the crack look better and part of their life together. It’s tough to forget encounters with a Paint, the only way really is by meeting another Paint. It should be noted that out of all three, the Paint is the most committed. The most accurate way to put it is: A Paint does her part to help the Wall not need anything extra.
A paint is what most men refer to as wife material because her gift (when she’s being good) is to improve and beautify the life of the Wall. Paint makes a house, a home. Paints stand out, not because of beauty. Paints stand out because of who they are. A Wall could work together with a Paint to build a beautiful life together where they both shine. Where you can’t see the Paint without seeing the Wall, and you cannot see the Wall without seeing the Paint.
A Paint makes your life — full.
Now, let’s meet the Fruit. Her ability to imagine creative things and figure them out, makes her stand out. She’s a flowing stream of ideas. She’s the friend, her friends reach out to with their troubles. She’s referred to as the “brains behind the project”. She blossoms when given complex or complicated situations. It’s not uncommon to see a Fruit sitting on the floor as she ponders different ideas and situations.
When a Wall is in a relationship with a Fruit, their conversations feel important, there’s no topic that’s off limits. It’s like having a powerhouse for a partner. She’s on your side, looking out for your best interests and have incredible smarts to assist in propelling you forward in your endeavors. It should be said that the Fruit is the most manipulative and indifferent of all three. The most accurate way to describe her is: A Fruit answers questions the Wall didn’t know to ask.
A Fruit makes your life — function.
Tennis ball = “What can you do for her?” | How can you help?
Paint = “What can she do for you?” | How can she help?
Fruit = “What can she do with you?” | How can she best use your help?
Think wisely about which of the three you want. Pay attention to which of the three you have.
Wisemen would often remind you that there are awesome experiences to be had, especially when the going is good. Let’s get personal.
I’ve had the unpleasant fortune of experiencing a Tennis Ball. The highs are very high, the lows are gut wrenching. She’s unexpected. Men, women, old and young naturally like her, beyond her beauty. Often times because, she’s very likeable. When she’s with you, you’re the only man in the world that matters, this can be likened to being on top of the world. When she’s gone, you have to let her go. You don’t “miss” a tennis ball, what you’d feel in her absence is much stronger than the mere emotions of missing someone. She gives the liberation to be yourself in her absence, the cruelty of life however is that the only interest you would have during her absence is this longing to spend time with her. You are forced to function without her, while reminding yourself that eventually, at some point, you’d hear from her again. For her, she wants to know you’d let her go when its time to go, she can only be a tennis ball if you let her go. For you, you want to know she’d return if she leaves, and soon.
The ideal person of interest for a Tennis Ball would be a non possessive Wall. A Wall that’s comfortable having his alone time, and enjoys spending time together. A Tennis Ball is gifted to initiate and sustain a bounce on her own (a fine medium between her being a “free bird” and keeping the relationship alive), with a nice and sustainable rhythm, the bounce could last forever. She goes, she comes. A relationship where they’re together but they are not glued at the hip. The Wall just has to be alright with the momentary bursts of excitement and the cold periods of non interaction.
I’ve also had the pure enjoyment of experiencing a Paint. You almost never forget a Paint and you don’t always encounter a Paint. It was like going from black and white to seeing in color. She had ideas of what our life together would look like when we were older, the ideal house and how we could build together. Paint would tell you what they know — everything they know. She would bring you up to speed with all her experiences before she met you.
A paint invests in you. They want to be by yourside, always. Experience what you experience, with you. Don’t tell her the story of how this or that happened to you on your way somewhere, she wants to be there with you when an experience happens during your day. For her, she wants to know she’s positively impacting your life. That she’s using her gift in a way that pleases the both of you. Naturally, she wants to give you her all. Where she’s no longer “Paint” and you’re no longer “Wall” but you both become One. For you, you want to hold on to some aspects of who you were before her. You don’t want her to paint over you completely, so much so that you lose who you are without her. You want some parts of your life for you alone, you want sometime of your day for you alone, you want to experience some things without her.
You’re never the same after you encounter a paint. Wherever she touches, her mark remains. You can no longer go back to “who you used to be” before her. Paints can give you the gift of outward beauty. She can make everything (especially life from the outside) look good to other people. The disadvantage is, when seriously out of sync, a Paint can take over a Wall’s life, controlling how everything looks that he doesn’t recognize himself. Or, the wall might no longer have “space” for her (gifts).
I’ve had the most failed experiences with Fruits. Either I go into auto reject, where whatever she has to say is exactly what I don’t want to hear. Or, she goes into auto suggestion where she corrects what you say and tell you what you meant to mean. Relationships with Fruits tend to start just like every other relationship, exciting, everyone on their best behaviors. You see, a Fruit could be nourishing or poisonous.
You want to eat Chinese food, she wants Vietnamese, so you eat Vietnamese, no fuss, no fight. She picks out a shirt for you to wear to an event, you choose a different shirt, one that you actually like, some fuss, no fight. You’re both in a car heading to the park, the traffic light turns green and she says “Drive! it’s green”. You mumble, a little fuss, no fight. You buy new furniture that requires assembling, you plan to spend some “manly” hours after work or on the weekend to assemble this new dresser. After work, you return home to find she’s taken the initiative to assemble the dresser. At this point, you blow your top and every single past aggravation becomes fuel for a “justified” and “long overdue” fight.
The disadvantage is the numerous unrequested advices thrown at you, grow into trees of resentment, separating you. Each person stay to themself, you do your thing, don’t ask her advice. She does her thing but unsatisfied because she cannot share her gift with you. She might meet someone else who’s interested in her gifts and breaks up with you or you might meet someone else who doesn’t tell you what to do every five minutes, and you cheat.
A Fruit gives you food for thought. Her gift is to offer you advise. When coordinated properly, it can be very beautiful. You know you have a partner. Someone you can run ideas by and get feedback from. When uncoordinated, the unwanted advise and those mandatory expectations that you do “as told” can become “bossy”. In order to make the relationship work, the Wall might have to resign to the notion of being the “muscles that put together the project” while allowing the Fruit complete ownership and role of being “the brains behind the project”.
A Fruit can give the gift of growth. Someone you know is on your side, who you can count on to have an idea or two. It’s not uncommon to hear of a successful man who accredits his good fortune to the team he has in his wife. A lot of successful men are so because of their (Fruit) wife.
A female has the most potential of experiencing her happiest relationship when coupled with a Wall. However, it is somewhat understandable that some females find themselves considering a relationship with a beach sand instead of a Wall. Comparing the men —Beach sands rarely complain. They rarely say no. They’re simple. You can direct their life, design it however you want, while it might not stick yet they’d be happy. You can throw unsolicited advice at them and they’d be unaffected. You can attempt a spike of memorable experience, and they’re uninterestingly “just there”.
A beach sand is accepting of all three personality types. A Tennis Ball gets “locked down”, gradually losing her peppiness, resigned to a boring life. A paint get’s challenged to make the beach sand look different and better, running around in circles, exhausted, because her efforts change nothing. A Fruit, frustrated and relieved at the same time. Frustrated because her advices are listened to then politely ignored. Unwanted advices fall to the ground and that’s the end of it, it doesn’t grow into something else or get remembered years from now. Relieved because atleast she doesn’t get told to “tone down” her ideas. She can be herself, even though her advices might not be recognized or acknowledged, she knows she can continue to give the advice whenever she thinks of one. It’s like pouring ocean water into a sieve. She’d always have ideas but rarely, if ever, would they be used to full potential.
Where a Wall would complain in order to get back in sync with his lover, a beach sand does not grow resentments. The concern for a beach sand isn’t so much so being in sync but having someone. The concern for a Wall isn’t merely having someone but being in sync with your someone. Where a Wall would say, “life is beautiful when we’re happy together, having fun and enjoying each other”, a beach sand would say “you are life and it’s beautiful”.
Wisemen would tell you, each of the three female personalities hold the potential to a great, loving and respectful life. Relationships only require us to adjust. A couple who can take actions and in fact adjust to receive gifts and give their gifts without overwhelming their partner, those are the lucky ones. We are more likely to meet people who share their gifts and don’t care much for yours. Or, want your gifts while holding on to theirs. Many of us are quite familiar with interactions where whatever change is necessary should be made by the other person. As long as we hold on to the “stubborn” parts of our personalities and endlessly and always stand our ground, the beauty of a relationship will be lost. When you meet someone you like, who also shows that they like you too — be willing to find your sync and maintain open communication to preserve your sync. Relationship is like both sides of a tumbleweed being swayed by the desert wind. Joined together, each side, touches the ground, with the other side along for the ride.
And — that’s my story for this evening. Remember, it is the responsibility of the one to make sure the other has the platform to display their gifts and share their talent with the relationship. It is the responsibility of the self to share the stage and not take over the life or the identity of the other, from the other.
This photo brings it all together. You can probably now tell who the Tennis Ball, the Paint and Fruit would be from the picture. The Life of the Party is evident (Tennis Ball) — and she’s to the right in the white dress. The Heart of the Party (Paint) is, in this case, in the middle but notice the slight hesitation and discomfort underneath the smile. She brings everyone together. Paints cheer for you, preferably from the sidelines, instead of being center of attention. And, the Brains of the Party is to the left — “I support you but let’s get this over with”.
Know whether your girl is the life of the party, the heart of the party or the brains behind the party. Then, love her the specific way she is to be loved. For the life of the party (Tennis Ball) cares nothing of the set up of a party or how it’s organized, hers is to show up and have a good time. Bombarding the heart of the party (Paint) with complex concerns would frustrate her because she is more interested in everyone being happy, not in making sure all your complex questions are answered. While the brain of the party (Fruit) will have ideas to whatever questions you ask her, don’t expect her to always take center stage or care about everyone at the party.
You will do well being as confident, still and available (open) as a wall. While, accepting, adjusting (yourself), without changing (her or) the gifts she’ll naturally bring to share with you.
With Love,
Famous Steve.
