Life: Since Getting Older. Some Things Have Changed. You Could Say, Everything Has Changed.

What’s changed:

• I left my twenties in the past and suddenly realized, I can get scars. Who would have thought. In fact in the past two years I’ve accumulated more scars than I did the last 8years of my twenties. I don’t get hurt, I don’t get scars or so I thought. My left toe might actually be broken, right now, colliding with another player during a soccer game. Things break now, what a shocker!
• I realize I know nothing. No, really. It’s tougher to make up my mind these days. One day, it’s this. The next day it’s “let me think about it.” I was definitely sure about almost everything in my twenties. Now, I know nothing.
• I look down on everyone younger than me. For some reason, these days it’s incredibly tough paying attention to anything anybody born in the 2000s have to say. They might tell me something incredibly useful and I just yawn and walk past them. I’m not a prideful person, well no, I’m not. But I do realize since leaving my 20s, those much younger than me, in my mind, still have diapers on.
• I value sleep more than I value staying up. Talk about a reverse. For most of my twenties I did not know why humans had to go to sleep, especially my early twenties. I mean what’s the point of a shut eye? If I’m not at the tip of complete exhaustion, then I’m not sleeping — so I used to think. These days, if it’s not worth a great deal of experience, I just would not bother. If I’m not having the literal time of my life, I’m going home and going to sleep. Call me Bore Grandpa.
• What I eat is incredibly important to me. No I don’t mean healthy eating like counting my string beans or measuring my tilapia or weighing my plate. No, not that. These days quality food is everything that matters to me. I spend way more money on “common” food items in one week than I did almost the whole month in my twenties. Well to give you perspective, the amount of money I spend buying the type of water I drink, in one month, is about the same amount of money I’d spend on two weeks grocery shopping, in my twenties. Quality food is all the craze now. I want to enjoy my food. Enjoy in capital letters. When I cut that potato, each side of it should be fresh like it was uprooted yesterday. When I bite into that apple, I want to hear its swssshh sound.
• Everyone (else) is so young. I still do the same things I did in my twenties but somehow I went from being the youngest in my gatherings to being the oldest in my gatherings. What? You go play soccer and sometimes you’re surrounded by high schoolers. Black dont crack so they look at me and think I just graduated high school last year. I laugh and don’t interrupt their assumption. I caught myself trying to “act cool” around a bunch of teenagers and early twenty year olds. A thought I’ve never had before. To make them think “yeah I can do that too.” What in the world!
• Your face gets fatter. No really. I can see the difference between my photos now and the photos from 8years ago. You almost don’t recognize who you used to look like. My hair grows a lot quicker now too.
• I feel more of myself. I have a better understanding of purpose. Better understanding of cause and effects. A better understanding of responsibilities. A better understanding on the importance of life while simultaneously being aware of the uselessness of life.
• When I was younger, I met girls that wished I was older. Now that I’m older, I meet girls that wish I were younger. Girls my age are not on the market, girls on the market think I’m 6 years younger.
• Relationship. It’s so weird looking for quantity now, after spending so many years only seeking quantity. Now I almost cringe when there’s a lack of quality. It’s also incredibly difficult finding quality, because most of the women you meet are seeking quantity. They just want to be stretched (first), while you are trying to (first) figure out if she has anything else to offer apart from being stretched. It’s such an upside down conundrum. She wants to be kissed on the first day, no problem. But you’re over there trying to figure out if she has any sense on the first date. That is, if you both stay in contact long enough and still interested to make it to the first date. It’s like I went to sleep in my twenties and woke up in a different decade of existence. The script switched on me or maybe I switched.
• The concept of a day job makes so much sense to me now than it did when I was younger. The concept of a day job requires so much energy that I’m unwilling to give now, than when I was younger. In my twenties, I worked — burning unending energy and silently despising work. Now, I negotiate — utmost outcome only.
• In my twenties, I would rather not sit down doing nothing. I was either playing on a game console, out with friends, working, at the gym or on an impromptu day trip. Mostly out and about. Now? Just leave me where I’m at. No, I’m not drunk. I am sober and I am solemn. Let me sit in peace and just take in that moment till I either fall asleep or adjust my sitting to stretch a little.
• The music is different. I despised opera (music) since forever. Last week I found the grace and melody to listen to such a moving (opera) performance. It was so good, I just left it on continuous replay. What happened to me? I listen to classical music now too. No really. I prefer it. I dance to it, like you’d dance to a pop song. The pure display of talent is incredible to me now. I value the rare now, not the “well put together.”
• I am incredibly smarter though, I know so much of things I never knew I know. No really. I don’t know how it happened. It’s like a new phase of my mind opened up to me. My memory is better. I’m experiencing the effects of accumulated knowledge. To think I despised books and reading most of my younger days and now at any point, no matter where I am, I am always, only an arms length from a book. No, really.
  For example, searching one of the dictionary websites, a quiz popped up, seemed like a clickbait:
  “The word “caprine” refers to …
  i. Crabs
  ii. Capybaras
  iii. Goats
  And, I thought, “Oh, it’s goats.” And, it’s correct. I do not know how I know it’d be goats, I do not remember learning the word refers to goats, it might just be mere coincidence, or it might be immediate access to a once accumulated, yet never before used knowledge section of my mind that’s now available to me.

What hasn’t changed:

• Love and affection. You still want to love and be loved. Well, wait. Maybe this changed too because my concept of love now is incredibly different from my younger self’s choiced understanding of love. But the desire to love and be loved still the same. Affection and attraction still happens.
• Better self. The quest to be my best self is still in effect. In full effect.
• Helping others. To be useful unto others’ still a way of life.
• Annoyance. I still get a little upset, but I haven’t been one to be incredibly mad. I’m almost always happy. So no change here, life is still peachy and easy going. Now though I understand why I operate that way.
• Friendship. This didn’t change. I’m still a good “go out of my way” friend. I’m also a “never hear from me again” because of one disappointment friend. No change here.
• Politics. No change here. I still don’t care.
• Rebellion. I rarely rebel but I still rebel, maybe more silently now and more sensibly. I don’t go screaming my rebellion in the streets, but I rebel all the same.
• Animals. Yeah, they’re alright. I apparently like the “rare” pets. Nothing weird. Just overlooked pets.
• Kids. Well, no. This hasn’t changed. Apparently, I don’t like other people’s kids. I never knew! Oh, God. Such a discovery. God help me.
• Respect. Yeah, I’d die with this one. Ingrained as a kid, I still live this up, everyday. It’s a bit tougher now though, those very rare times I’m around a very annoying elderly who’s hellbent on acting stupid. But I still do my best to be respectful to my elders all the same.
• God. Still the biggest part of my existence. My number one. This will never change. Amen

With Love,

Famous Steve.