Don’t Die A Disappointment.

As we climb up in age, a few mental shifts happen.

One, we become more certain of how we view the world. Two, by being sure of the values we stand for, we become sure of who we believe we are as a person. Three, we engage, more frequently, those habits that are most comfortable to us.
Four, we garner and hold on to principles and perspectives that we believe tells us about the version of the world we (want to) see but more importantly, five — we hold on to the principles that agrees with who we see ourselves as.

At our current stage in life, it’s safe to say we’ve lived enough days to understand, to some degree, how we function as an individual.
By now, you and I should know things that makes us happy, people we enjoy being around and situations that brings out the best in us. Getting older comes with forming a comfortable routine on how to survive each day.

In addition to the self discoveries, the more days you live on earth, your knowledge about Life also expands. One begins to understand life is all about doing. In fact this just recently dawned on me, that the essence of breathing is doing. They go together. We know one cannot do (anything) without breathing, but it’s almost as though, one cannot breathe without doing.

At any given moment, the human is doing something — even when they try to not do anything. Right now, I’m breathing, sitting down and writing, while you might be breathing, lying down and reading.

Since all we do is do, I should also point out that at any moment of doing, regardless of the activity being done, the human is most likely engaged in one of these two criterions: while there are things you want to do, by now, you’ve realized there are also things you do not want to do.

The art of doing then can be conveniently classified into just two categories and at any point of your doing, you’re most likely engaged in either of those two classifications (things you want to do | things you do not want to do). For a brief moment, join me as we focus on understanding the latter — the all familiar lists of things you do not want to do.

“They made me do it”, “I didn’t even want to. .”, “If it was up to me..”

Day 1: Things You Do Not Want To Do

Have you gotten into trouble in recent years? or maybe remember your days as a rebel kid? I remember very well, my days as a boundary pushing teen. I got into enough trouble to later understand each disobedient act was remedied by one of two forms of discipline, or as we called it in the old days — punishments. And, the type of discipline I would be exposed to was determined by the mindset behind the action.

In instances where I intentionally committed whatever disobedience occurred, there was the standard whooping you received for acting out of character — the whooping was expected, I knew I was paying the price of willfully disobeying. No qualms. This type of discipline I preferred.

Then, there’s the second type of discipline — being whooped for something you did not want to do. Based on my own discretion as a child, I was less likely to have engaged in some of the debauchery the kids were found doing, and these happened mostly on family vacations.
What was it like for you growing up? were you also lured into atrocities by your cousins or friends, just like I was, (or maybe you were the cousin who did the luring) — like trying to drive a car when neither of you was tall enough to see outside the windshield. Or being poked at continuously to start a fight. These scenarios were met with the standard whooping for acting out of character, and those whooping hurt something serious — because you did not care for what you were caught doing.

Looking back on my days as a child, I now realize there’s a reason being disciplined for something you did not want to do carried more weight than receiving a whooping for intentionally stealing (taking) money from the dining table and choosing to lie about it. These were two different atrocities.

You see, with things you did not care to do — after the good ol’ whooping from the adults, came the more thorough and intense self administered whooping. Because you didn’t just get caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing — you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do that you did not even want to do in the first place. It wasn’t just the adults you had to answer to (standard whooping), you also had to answer to yourself — for doing something you did not want to do.

You begin to question, judge and fight with yourself. This self discipline could go on for days, sometimes longer. I would not be surprised should this (self administered whooping) be traced as the start (or accelerator) of low self esteem — (low self esteem being the self administered whooping that continued beyond the immediate days of event.)

The core of this self fight is fueled for not standing up for self, for engaging in what self did not want, it could become a cycle of whooping — long after the adults have forgotten the offense they whooped you for!

When you get in trouble, especially for doing something you did not want to do, there is an external punishment, administered by others and an internal thorough punishment, administered by you.

We know humans are bound to do. We also know at any moment, we’re either engaged in something we want to do, or something we do not want to do. When it comes to punishment, there are two possible consequences. You could only be disciplined by others, if it’s something you did infact choose to do. Or, you could experience the discipline from others, in addition to self discipline.

Come to think of it. Doesn’t it almost sound like a sanity issue? that a person would do something they did not want to do? Have you experienced something similar in recent days?

Let’s dig deeper.

Day 2: The Gift of Self Correction