Choices: Don’t Confuse A Seed For A Fruit.
A seed turns to a tree then a fruit. Some people want the fruit. I want the tree. But who wants the seed?
What happens when you want a tree but instead get handed a seed. Do you take the seed, nurture it till it becomes a tree or do you reject the seed, wait for someone else and what they might hopefully offer you?
Proper classification reduces headache and heartache.
About a month ago I had a conversation with a friend. I shared the story of how I was stopped downtown for “some change”. I reached into my pocket, brought out a dollar and the (homeless) man did not accept it. He told me what he needed was $200+, how am I handing him a dollar? I humbly put my money back in my pocket, and walked away. Surprised. Baffled. And, almost upset.
The story continues. Another time, I walked into a grocery store, a young teenage girl stops me to read the sign she’s holding. I was on a call, I assumed the sign had to do with money, I handed her a dollar and she asked if I couldn’t just pay for the can of baby food she wanted to get? I humbly put my money back in my pocket, and walked away. Surprised. Baffled. And, almost upset. After grabbing what I came to the grocery store to get, and heading to the cash register, I saw another customer paying for the baby food the young teenage girl wanted. I was happy for her but still baffled.
After sharing the story, we both tried to imagine ourselves in their shoes and anticipate which was the better move? Should the teenage girl had accepted the dollar I had to give even though it was only a small portion of the total cost of baby food she wanted? How about she instead hold her ground until she finds someone willing to foot the whole bill (which ended up being the case)?
I couldn’t quite reconcile how a person would not immediately accept free money with no strings, because it did not meet their expectation. If the essence of extending help is based on the assumption that the person asking for help is in fact in need, could it still be said that a person who then rejects the offer to (limited) help is really in need?
Imagine this. Let’s say your neighbor is thirsty, in need of water. Your neighbor finally meets someone who’s willing to share their water with them. But instead of your neighbor drinking the water, your neighbor complains the blue jar only has a little bit of water in it, that they’d prefer a green jar with much more water.
Seems almost unbelievable. Until, I realized (this evening) that I do the same thing as the homeless man and the teenager.
I’ve been working on creating an opportunity for a project, this effort has been months in the making. Finally, meetings now seem to be heading the “right direction”, while I rationally know I’m closer to the goal, yet I make calls to those close to me to complain about how the “opportunity” isn’t up to par with the opportunity I expect. And, how I feel as though I’m not really pleased with this opportunity.
What I really mean is “I deserve better than the option that’s made available” — I do not immediately know whether that’s pride or if it is good ol’ ignorance or is it something else?.
What’s the right way to respond when the help you receive is a help you can benefit from but not really the help you want?
I wrote an article about how to make sure you never settle in life. The article is written from the perspective of (and for) a goal getter. Now, I’m thinking — can a person be considered “settling” based on the kind of help they choose to accept? Having been on the “giving” side for most of my life, I just assumed people who were in need would jump at the first opportunity to be genuinely helped — with no strings attached. But that’s not the case.
Finding myself on the “wanting” side, with my project, what I feel right now is “I do not mind the opportunity” as opposed to “I absolutely want this opportunity”. While I continue the meetings and prepare for next steps to completely own this opportunity, all the while, I’m asking how is it the opportunity I got isn’t better than this?
I have found one thing to be true. There are people who would readily sacrifice an arm to get the options, privilege, things that you have. Sometimes big things come in little packages. And, if we are only focused on the “big entrances”, we are likely to miss out on some awesome experiences. Unlike the teenager and the homeless man, I would not turn down an opportunity that is on track with my destination. I would accept the dollar and continue to seek other options that would get me to my desired place.
While my current opportunity does not carry a dozen bells and whistles, that’s alright — it can be a stepping stone. Sometimes we have to start as a bartender before we own our own bar, sometimes we have to accept one dollar bills as we pile up cash to finally get what we want, sometimes we have to take advantage of the opportunity that we do in fact have, while remembering most wishes and desires go unanswered majority of the time.
Beggars can be choosers. Lack does not equal desperation. Sometimes we have to ignore or outright reject the little so we are available and ready for the much — but that is the exception. The rule is what you will get is entirely based on what you do with what you did get. If you live your life solely on exceptions, you would not go too far. Understand the rule and be grateful for the exceptions should they come your way. We are all humans with equal ability to make a choice. Being in need does not take away our ability to choose.
As much as my current opportunity “could be better”, I will make the most of this opportunity, and thank God for the privilege. As I continue the journey to reach the pinnacle I seek.
A skateboard is not a Lamborghini but it can get you to your destination faster than walking on your feet.
With Love,
Famous Steve.
